Wednesday, September 17, 2008
I Will Not Lose Heart
“Therefore, since through God's mercy
we have this ministry, we do not lose heart.”
2 Corinthians 4:1
Yesterday I received a rejection that really hurt. My soul seemed to explode and I laid down on my bed and began bawling. Now to put it in perspective, I am sick and therefore my emotions have easy access – no waiting – right this way – on ramps- to my tear ducks. But you know what? The rejection just hurt. Really hurt.
Everyone of us experiences pain. Joint pain and muscle pain. Relationship pain. The other day I ran my toe into a corner wall by our kitchen and it just about killed me. Well, for a moment anyway. Then I was fine. Okie-dokie. Ready for another step and possible crash.
I guess that is the cool thing about pain. Most of the time pain passes. It comes and goes like a storm, raining down on me one moment, but leaving the next. I can count on the fact that I will not feel this way forever. I won’t go around bawling constantly.
At least, I hope not.
Pain is also an effective teacher. God knew this when He decided to let each of us deal with the consequences of our actions. How many times have I blown it and reaped the fruits of my actions. But many times I learned. Like a baby who doesn’t touch a hot stove more than once. I adjusted.
My philosophy-ing doesn’t take the edge off the emotions. My heart still hurts. I ache with this little tinge of hopelessness. The sting of rejection is a stab of hurt at first, then just a wicked throbbing.
Ruth Bell Graham had a great life. But she hurt. Sometimes she hurt badly. She wrote a poem that I love. It’s the only poem I’ve ever memorized. (I like that it’s short. :0) )
It fits today.
Spare not the pain, Lord,
Spare not the pain.
Though the way I take be lonely and dark,
Though the whole soul ache.
For the flesh must die,
Though the heart may break.
Spare not the pain, Lord,
Oh, spare not the pain.
The pain is good for me. And I must not forget perspective. My family is healthy. I do not write for income, thank God. I am not grieving the loss of anyone I love or wondering how I will ever rebuild the house the hurricane took.
When I sit at a laptop, I rarely feel pain. I feel freedom and joy and creativity. But when I submit my writing, pain comes often.
So why do it? Am I a masochist? Here editor, tell me how much this will not sell.
No. I do it because I believe.
I believe that God has called me to write.
I believe in the gift God has given me.
I believe in hope.
I believe in the possibility that God may expand my borders and use my writing to help someone else.
I believe. Because of this, I can’t lose heart.
So today I may cry. I may cuss. I may drink a little bit to take the edge off.
But today I will not quit believing.
And I will not quit writing.