Mother's Day

When I look at my hands, I see Sally Ann's

Wrinkled like the young bark of a tree

Strong, determined

My mother's wedding ring is the one I wear

An homage to 40 years my parents laughed in love

And lived in pain

I see her hands every day but I brush off

The thoughts they evoke

No time to grieve

No need

It's been 15 years

But here it is again - Mother's Day

I take a purposeful moment and look at my hands

and remember hers

I remember the meals of fried everything she cooked

Lard is an official food group in Texas

I remember the clothes she sewed for me

The gentle hugs she gave me

The way she touched my face when she gave me a line

Of advice she would recite over and over

"You keep your chin up, Robbie."

I remember her last breath

I was holding her hand

Wrinkled like a young tree's bark

Still strong

Still determined

Even though her body was weak

I remember

It's that time of year

Tears of grief are good

I look at my guys - my husband and son

She never met them

But she knows them

Sometimes when I hold Noah's hand, I look down

And I see her hand holding her grandson's

She would've loved my guys

She does love them

Whenever I hear someone complain about their mother

I put on a sympathetic face

Relationships ARE difficult

But inside I cringe

Just for a moment

Don't they know the gift they have?

To be able to hold their mother's hand?

So I will grieve just a little while

And then I will celebrate Mother's Day

I will squeeze my son's hand extra hard

And hope that someday he remembers me

And my hands