Tuesday, January 20, 2009
The Pain of Surgery
John was supposed to be discharged from the hospital today. But his blood thinners that are eliminating the blood clot in his lung are not balanced yet. Plus, they have to deal with a hemotoma under his calf wound.
When I received this news yesterday, I did not take it well. It hurt. I am tired. My poor husband and I are experiencing some pain. Of course, his is much more physically intense.
I called my sister Karen and she asked me, “Did God promise you that John would go home today?”
Well, actually no.
But the pain of waiting and persevering is wearing me out. I don’t want to be a whiner, but it seems that lately, whining is my first language. I whine with the best of them.
So last night I found myself up in the middle of the night, like many nights. I don’t sleep much without the man at home. In the quiet of the night, I sat and listened to the soft hum of our refrigerator and decided to check my email.
Something I’d saved from last week caught my eye. A wonderful friend, Lela, is sending John little notes from her kindergarten class. She emails him one or two a day. He loves listening to them and seeing the pictures that accompany them. Usually a small child with some kind of animal. He dictates his answers to me.
I opened up one I saved from last week and read the following:
Hi Mr. John,
It's me, Reese. I am in kindergarten and I have been praying for you. Are you better yet? My teacher says that sometimes God makes us all better real fast, but other times He goes slow and takes more time. I don’t know why He does that, do you? Sometimes I can't figure God out. I hope you are better and get to go home soon.
P.S. Hope you like my picture.... you'll never guess what's in it!!
John wrote back:
Thank you so much for your prayers and your email. The snake in the picture was a complete surprise. It's almost as if your teacher had brought in a bag of them. :0) I'm not sure why God is fast sometimes and slower than we would like Him to be other times. I just trust His timing is perfect. And maybe He is healing me slowly this time so it will be easier for me to remember how much He loves me.
Please say thank you to all your classmates and your teacher for all your prayers. I really appreciate it.
My tears started falling. John’s words “…maybe He is healing me slowly this time so it will be easier for me to remember how much He loves me…” moved me and reminded me of the truth.
God didn’t promise me that John would recover quickly or gone home today. But He has promised me that He loves John and me with a relentless, ancient, unconditional love. John will hopefully get through this ordeal without having to have surgery. But God is doing deep surgery on us both, drawing us to His purposes for our lives.