Thursday, February 06, 2014

Are You Tired of People Pleasing?

I am so tired, weary in fact, of living my life based on group decisions.

It’s the heart of a people pleaser to please. It’s also the curse.

I am the last of four kids – the baby, the brat. But I am also the one that wanted desperately to please my parents and everyone else. I was a good girl, a straight A student, president of the student council, most friendly in high school. I was extremely good at pleasing. So much so that the desire became part of everything.

I’m 51 now. I’m a wife, mom, stepmom and grandma. I’m an ex-teacher, speaker, writer. But the title that has come to the forefront of my life is lately is People Pleaser.

I’ve seen this title at work in two ways – even though I’ve fought it for years:

1)  If I can agree with you to make you like me, I will.
This is also part of hating conflict. I’ve noticed it lately and so I’ve begun to speak up in disagreement if I feel the need. You don’t like me? Fine.

2)  If by being weaker than you, you will like me, I will do it.
I am a strong woman and I have talents that GOD has given me. But I find myself becoming less in the presence of those that I have an inkling would be intimidated or offended by my strength. And if that could lead to them not liking me, well, then I will be just a little weaker – or dumber – or less talented. No more. It is time to stand up in my strength and uniqueness the way God has made me.

No more group decisions. I’m not blaming ANYONE else – I’m the one who asks for a vote over and over. But now, well, now it’s me and the Lord.

Do you deal with people pleasing? If so, what do you do to NOT do it? I'd love to hear how you deal with it. Not that I will do anything you suggest.... :)


Kristi Hopkins said...

Amen Sister! ((HUGS))

Robbie Iobst said...

Thanks Kristi! Been thinking about you. We gotta get together some time. :)

Sandy Nadeau said...

I had to learn a long time ago, that it's just plain A-O-K to say the word N-O. NO. No, I can't "help" with everything that needs to be done, which usually translates into, "Can you just do it all?" So the word No, had to become foremost in my vocabulary and soon it rolled out between my lips smooth as a French Silk pie. I love the word. It's magical.

Robbie Iobst said...

Sandy, I love the imagery. "it rolled out between my lips smooth as French Silk pie." :) THANK YOU! And NO! :)

J. Christine Richards said...

I struggle almost daily not to make my decisions to feed my people pleasing. I continually pray because I want to follow God, not others. I'd love to find some really good tricks to keep me on the right path.

Robbie Iobst said...

Chris, I relate to you. Praying is key I think. Keeping HIM in the forefront of mind when around folks I am tempted to please is difficult for me, but when I do it, always better. Thanks for reminding us about PRAYER. :)