This is My Life in Change...a little venting.

I'm in month four of my dieting, changing my lifestyle, torturing myself, starving to death plan. Okay, maybe it's not all that bad and anyway, I have cheated often. I mean, what was I thinking starting in November? Did I forget that Thanksgiving and Christmas were coming? Anyhow, I cheated. Which is not a great way to put it, but there it is.

God has been so gracious and loving and KIND to me during this time. He knows my heart and He knows my body and He loves me. Fat, obese, skinny or trim. He just wants me to lean onto Him. And that means leaning into pain at times. Not fun.

Biggest change of course is the gym. I have conquered my fear of it and now I actually enjoy going. Enjoy may be the wrong word, but it's close. At the gym I feel as if I am DOING something about my life. Taking control, sort of.

Today was not a personal training session. But in my effort to continually push myself, little by little, to do more, I did the following:

2 minutes on the stair master - yesterday was my first time on this ridiculous device that kicks my arse!
10 minutes on the bike at a higher level than usual.
5 minutes on the elliptical.
20 minutes on the treadmill, going from 5 minutes at a 4 incline to O incline but walking fast.
3 minutes on the rowing machine in which I rowed 500 meters.

Yay me! Go God!

But the enemy is on the prowl all the time and so an hour later, when I walked into one of my favorite coffee hangouts to write, I was suddenly hungry and angry. Not a good combo. I quickly ascertained that I wasn't REALLY hungry, just annoyed that I couldn't have the truffle brownies they displayed by the cash register. I breathed deep and the justifying thoughts began:

Well, they say gluten free - maybe they don't have many calories.
I did all that at the gym!!! I deserve a truffle brownie!!
What the heck! I will lose weight eventually - today I'll just eat a little extra. 

Then came the thought that has rescued me over and over:

I'll wait a few minutes and then decide.

I walked over and saw that my favorite table was taken. Normally, this is one of those "Oh well" moments. Today, cuss words came to mind quickly. Colorful words I don't use but are still in my mind's dictionary.

I breathed deeply and waited a moment. I prayed and sowed a seed to the Spirit. "God, I know You are with me. Bless those folks who stole my table. Don't punish them just because they are stupid idiots!!!"

I breathed deeply and waited another moment. Again, I prayed. "Sorry God. Bless them and cause me to run back to some sort of sanity. Give me perspective. Thank you for the almonds that I get to eat in a few minutes that will satisfy me more than truffle brownies. I hope. In Jesus name, Amen."

I ordered my mango tango iced tea - 0 calories - and walked to another table.

This is my life in change. It's a process. I cheat. I sow seeds. I do the work at the gym. I complain. I pray. I get angry. I cheer for what the Father is doing.

See, He loves me. I almost see Him grinning at me when I got mad at those innocent thieves folks who sat at my table. He shook His head in complete love and grace as I wrestled over the truffle brownie. And you know what? If I had bought the brownie and indulged, He would love me just as much! That's His grace.
Which I need desperately during my dieting, changing my lifestyle, torturing myself, starving to death plan.

Here's to another day of doing life in His grace! (By the way, the almonds were tasty. But I'm not crazy - the truffle brownie would've tasted better.)  :0)

Make a Garden - Start Sowing Seeds!

^“Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.  Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.” Galatians 6:7-8

In the back of my childhood home on Summer Street, my Pop made a garden. I remember very clearly helping him from time to time planting onions and tomatoes. I helped him water and pick out weeds and of course, the best part, I helped him pick the fresh veggies for supper time.

God brought these memories to mind this week, as I’ve been cultivating my own garden. Not a real one, though. It’s ironic that I spent so much time with Daddy in that garden and I grew up with a black thumb. As my neighbor Elli says, I kill silk plants.

My garden is one that I’ve learned about recently while reading a book called Truly Fed by Gari Meacham. It’s a book about finding freedom from disordered eating and I highly recommend it. In Truly Fed, Gari teaches the principle of sowing seeds to God as a way to kill gluttony. She bases her observations on Galatians 6: 7-8.

Gari explains:

Sowing describes the action of scattering seeds, then nurturing and caring for their growth. Paul highlights that whatever persons sow – what they take their time doing, put their efforts into – will be what their lives reflect.

Sowing to the flesh involves eating when I’m not hungry, eating more than I need and eating to fill up discomfort or some other emotion.  I understand this. Extremely well.

Sowing seeds to the Spirit involves making choices that replace those eating choices. They are actions we choose over another action. 

So this is what I’m doing. I’m back in that small town in West Texas and I’m planting seeds. Here’s what it looks like:

Monday I went to King Soopers for some chicken broth to make in a lemon garlic chicken entrée. I saw some corn bread mix. Nothing wrong with corn bread, but I don’t need to eat it at night. I told myself, “No.” But I didn’t stop there. I decided to sow a seed to the Spirit. I prayed “Father, thank you for corn bread. Thank you for all the times I’ve eaten it. Thank you that You can satisfy me more than corn bread ever will.”

Yesterday, I chose to put the treadmill on an incline of 4 and walk. I’ve never done this and it didn’t take long for me to resemble an old lady fountain in the middle of the gym. I was dying. I chose to sow a seed. “God, help me. Thank you for the gift and it is a gift, to be able to move my legs. Thank you God, for inclines that will make my legs stronger.”

This morning I had a hankering for a donut. Nothing wrong with donuts. I was near the donut store and instead of driving over there for an apple fritter, I decided to sow a seed to the Spirit. I took a moment and got quiet and said, “God, you know I want a donut. But I don’t need a donut. Give me strength to just keep moving away from the donut store.”

According to Romans 8:6, sowing seeds to the Spirit lead to peace and joy. Just like those blue-sky summers in Van Horn, Texas, where I stood with Daddy and a bag and picked the vegetables, some day, I will reap the benefits of what I am sowing today.

Sounds simple, but for me it is new. And since I’ve been in this battle for so long, new ammo is just what I need. This will work in many areas of your life, not just weight loss. Try it. And watch how the Spirit will make your garden grow. 

Radio Interviews!

I've been honored to be on the Good News with Angie Austin on  www.810klvz.com and  http://www.670kltt.com/ a few times and I would love to share the links with you, if you'd like to listen:

December 17th - 810AM KLVZ
I went on the show with Rebecca Barth and Sarah Harmony-Powell who head up a wonderful ministry called She Shares. Check them out at www.sheshares.org . We talked about Christmas
Traditions of each of our families. Angie Austin, the host, her two producers, Paul and Bill, Rebecca, Sarah and I had a wonderful time chatting it up. Here's the link:

http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-122972/TS-698392.mp3

December 21st - 670AM KLLT
I went on the show with Rebecca and Sarah again and this time we talked about New Year's Resolutions, and more specifically how we can make a difference in 2013. My part of the show was dedicated to developing a time to hang out with God consistently in 2013. Here's the link.

http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-122972/TS-700178.mp3

January 3rd - 810AM KLVZ
This time Angie hosted a panel on Joy! Lisa Dunning spoke on Joy in parenting, Pat Miller talked about Joy in marriage. My good friend Michele Cushatt talked about Joy in the stress of family and I talked about Joy in spiritualtiy. A good show! Here's the link:

http://recordings.talkshoe.com/TC-122972/TS-703202.mp3


January 4th - 670AM KLLT
Angie hosted Michele Cushatt and I to do a show about Chicken Soup for the Soul and the power of stories. Michele and I both have been in several of these books and we each told a couple of our favorite stories and shared how Angie's listeners could submit their own story for possible publication. The link:

Link is coming!

I am going to go back on and I will let you know when I do. Angie Austin is a wonderful host and this is
a great show. I encourage you to tune in to her show every day at 4 pm on 810AM KLVZ or 1 pm on 670AM KLLT.

Get Out of the Fray!

(Read a review of my book and then order a copy for yourself - The review is at 

http://www.eyesofyourheart.com/joy-dance/ )

^“The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.” Exodus 14:14

Are you in a battle? The days after Christmas and beginning the New Year can be quite difficult. Before Christmas, activity is at an all time high with travelling and shopping and cooking. And then it’s over.

The enemy of our hearts swoops in at this time, commanding Discouragement and Depression to attack. As they hit us with whispers and lies, we find ourselves in a battle. Believe the lies or live the truth.

Some battles that may result:

I can do All things through Christ versus My life is nothing special and never will be.

I can rise above my circumstances and live in God’s presence versus I am sick and therefore I cannot live in victory.

I can change my life versus I am fat and no resolutions will ever change that.

The last one is my battle. One I’ve fought for almost 30 years.

This year, I am looking at this battle a little differently thanks to the Word of God and encouragement from some friends. In the past, fighting this battle has meant rising up and gathering all my will power and engaging the enemy. I’ve prayed hard, used the Word of God through reciting memory verses and I’ve reached deep within to find the strength to persevere.

All of these tactics are good things. But they say that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. So this year, I am looking at the battle differently.

A counterintuitive paradigm shift.

Now it is all on God. He is the Warrior. He fights. I remain still. My losing weight is His problem. Doesn’t mean I sit on the couch and eat ice cream. It means I don’t try to will myself to exercise or eat right. Instead I lean into Christ.

In Ephesians 6, where Paul teaches us about the armor of God, He instructs us to put on the armor but not to fight actively, but to STAND FIRM. Stand. That’s it. Be still and know that He is the Warrior, the God who fights for us.

So what does this look like? My friend Hilary Beebe, in encouraging me, wrote the following:

For me, as long as I focused on my diet and exercise and weight and measurements, I failed. Every single time, every single day. What God began to show me was that I had to focus on Him and let go of the weight loss goals. Really let go. Sounds counterintuitive, I know, but there are many instances in Scripture where God wins a battle for His people in a counterintuitive way. So I finally "gave up" trying to lose weight and I just sought God. Hard. Whenever I felt bound by food, I prayed. Whenever I felt bad about myself, I prayed. I consciously moved my obsession from food/weight to Jesus. It didn't happen overnight, and I stumbled a lot, but again, there was no condemnation, just a Holy hand to help me up every time. The closer I got to Jesus, the more He worked in my heart - first and foremost - and the more the food issue began to dissolve and the weight began to come off. But it HAD to start with my heart, not my head. Not "I'm obese, I need to lose weight" but "I need Jesus to be everything to me. I need Jesus to heal my heart." 

Thank you, Hilary. After reading her note, I did a study on God fighting for us. Over and over again, the Bible teaches that God wants to do the fighting. He wants us to just rely on Him and be still.

Be still.

Whatever your battle, I encourage you and me to get out of the skirmish. As bullets fly and bombs explode in our minds and hearts, let’s get out and find a spot away from the war and ask Jesus to be everything.

And be still. 

Don't Forget to Laugh

“A cheerful heart is good medicine…” Proverbs 17:22

My compliment of the week:  “Robbie, the thing I admire about you is you’re not afraid to humiliate yourself.”

I laughed and laughed. In context, it was a compliment and I took it that way. But the way she put it was so funny.

This last week has been difficult for all of us, in different ways. It is too easy to watch the news and fall into despair. So I have chosen laughter. I have looked for reasons to laugh.

Last night, when my friend gave me this compliment, I agreed with her. We were talking about the gym and my attitude of just being me there. It’s difficult enough for an obese woman to go into a gym, but if I add insecurity to the mix, it is excruciating. It helps that I’m 50, because I truly care less now about other people’s opinions of me more than ever in my life. Freedom is the result.

When I first met my personal trainer, this was our conversation:

Me: Do you know CPR?

Mona: Yes.

Me: Have you ever done it?

Mona: Yes, and we have a portable defibrillator here.

Me: Have you used it?

Mona: Yes, last year an elderly woman’s heart gave out and I worked on her until the ambulance came.

Me: Did she make it?

Mona: Yes.

Me: Where do I sign?

I think having no fear of humiliating myself comes from the choice to laugh at myself. In my life, I’ve had plenty of practice.

I went to a bridal shower once and didn’t know it was a lingerie shower. Everyone’s gifts were beautiful negligees and such. She opened up my present to find an electric knife.

I was the guest of honor at a banquet once and I sat between my date Larry and the entertainment Gary. During the meal, I got to coughing and threw up. In trying to flee, I threw up on both Larry and Gary.

Two weeks ago, I went to a parent teacher conference at Noah’s Middle School. We walked around the cafeteria to different tables each teacher occupied. At one table, I sensed my chair was a bit squishy. In mid-conference, my chair collapsed and I hit the ground. I was embarrassed but decided to laugh at it. Afterwards, I kept saying in a Jerry Seinfeld voice, “It was the chair. They had a squishy chair!”

I chose our Christmas tree this year. We got a new type of tree that promised excellent needle retention. However, although I’ve watered it consistently, it has suffered a pre-mature death. So day after day, I sit in my living room looking at a dried up Yule bush. It is pathetic and I keep stopping myself from assigning it some symbolic meaning. The year of our dead Christmas tree. “Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree, how dried up are your branches.”

Friday is the end of the Mayan calendar and the end of the world, “they” say. I don’t believe this for one second, but as a dieter I am always sniffing out justifications for eating treats. Can there be any reason more tailor-made for me than the world is ending on Friday? Sigh.

So as you can see, fodder for laughing at myself is a plenty. And laughing at life is a gift we can all give ourselves, especially in times when the enemy of our hearts wants us to live in hopeless despair.

Today, I hope you’ll look for a reason to laugh. When you find it, enjoy it and relish it. The Great Physician will use it to soothe your soul. 

My book, Joy Dance, is here!!! You can order it right here on my blog. Click on the Buy Now button to your right and I will send it to you this week. Let me know if you want me to sign it and I will!

What's Your Word?

A few years ago I came upon the idea of choosing a word in December for the next year of life. It’s just a way of purposing your year. Kind of setting a goal or a vision and praying God’s blessing on it. Last year I chose the word ADVENTURE. I look back at 2012 and the word fit. I drove across country with my husband and my mother-in-law in January, became a mother of a teenager in February, landed in the hospital for three days in March, lost my agent and attended a writing conference that God used big-time in my life in April, started menopause in May, took a three-week fantastic vacation in June, became a second time grandma in August, turned 50 in September, and self published a book in December. It will come out next week! (I will send you an email and let you know how to order it if you want.)

So what word for 2013?

Recently I asked some folks to pray for me in my weight loss/get healthy journey. I’ve realized that it is much more than eating well and exercising. It is a spiritual battle. I want to fully step into what God has for me and that means dealing with my obesity. Truly committing myself to this and the pain that working out brings is the most difficult thing I’ve ever done.

One of my friends and one of the most interesting people I know, Cheryl Velk, sent me a note about persevering. She always mentioned the word PUSH. She said “It is partly pressing through, but it is partly delivering what God is wanting to birth in us.” And she gave me a wonderful passage of Scripture.

Romans 8:14-15 and then 22-28 from The Message

“God's Spirit beckons. There are things to do and places to go! This resurrection life you received from God is not a timid, grave-tending life. It's adventurously expectant, greeting God with a childlike "What's next, Papa?".…All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain throughout the world are simply birth pangs. But it's not only around us; it's within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We're also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarged in the waiting. We, of course, don't see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That's why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.”

My word for 2013 is going to be PUSH. During those moments of pain, I need to lean on God and push. During those moments of waiting, I am going to choose to push. And like an expectant mom, I will be rewarded with whatever God is choosing to birth in me this year. A new way of life!

So, think about this. What’s your word?