Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I'm a Horrible Mother!

(So it's not winter and there's no snow yet, but this picture
describes my emotions today.)

“Grace and peace to you, from God our Father.” Colossians 1:2

John Wooden, the late record-setting basketball coach of UCLA, defined success as peace of mind that is the direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming.

So what is it to be a successful mom?

This morning, my son Noah, who has asthma and has had pneumonia for the past few days, was able to go to school. In the silence of my home, I began to beat myself up.

If I was a good mom, he would not be sick so often.

If I was a good mom, Noah would have a clean home all the time.

If I was a good mom, I wouldn’t have gotten a second dog.

If I was a good mom, I would feed him only organics and eliminate the junk and never get angry and only show him Jesus’ love!

But I’m not and I don’t.

This afternoon I met with my Moms in Touch group. We pray for our kids at school. When asked what my prayer request was for my son, I burst out into tears. “I’m a horrible mother!”

I made a bit of a scene.

My friends did not coddle me, but instead told me truth that I needed to hear: There is a difference between being a perfect mom and a successful mom. One of them quoted Wooden.

John Wooden also said that in order to be successful, I must be the best ME I can be. So to be a successful mom, I need to be the best I can my talents and my deficiencies.

My parents taught me to respect God, laugh at life and be friendly. But they didn’t teach me much about money. In fact, I’ve had problems in that area. If John were writing this, he’d type, “Amen!”

Were my parents’ successful? Yes! As my dad often said, “We do the best we can.”

I want to be the mom that Noah needs. For me, that means accepting that I am not a clean freak, I allow him to have fast food and I can use words that are simply idiotic. It means realizing that I can get better in these areas, but I don’t need to beat myself up when he gets sick.

It means living out the Serenity Prayer by Francis of Assisi.

God, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
(Noah’s health)
The courage to change the things I can,
(The things that God tells me to change)
and the wisdom to know the difference.
(And not beat myself up.)

Am I a good mom? A successful mom? Not always.

But I have peace of mind that today I have done my best to become the best mom I can be.

And that is God’s grace. And that is enough.


smithsk said...

You're a great mom! And great encourager for all us imperfects.
His grace is sufficient.

tonya said...

I love your honesty so much and I love your heart. Since my kids have moved out I have been getting a different perspective than what I saw when they lived with me. They call when they have questions about writing, school, politics, etc. They don't call for some great recipe or cooking tip. :) I think our kids accept us better than we accept ourselves.
BTW, I do think you are a great mom, for I see you how much you love on so many around you. I am sorry about Noah's illnesses, it is hard to have a sick child. Hugs to you! I love your posts, they make me smile.

Jan Parrish said...

It's hardest to give grace to ourselves. And sometimes we are in need of it the most. I'm glad God loves us just as we are.
Love you!

Cheryl Barker said...

And once again I say, "Where would I be without grace?" So thankful our God extends it to us time and again. Now, if we could just remember to extend it to ourselves, huh? :)

Nanette said...

Thank God for the grace he provides for us - without it I am not sure where we'd be! Be the best you can be -that's all that matters.