Tuesday, November 09, 2010

The Voices in My Head

How do you know you're crazy? Insane? A lunatic? Demented?

I would think it'd be difficult to diagnose yourself. So I don't. And ergo, I have not made an appointment with anyone who might dare use those words with me.

I don't have an official mental disease and those that do have my empathy. Seriously.

But there are days that I take a minute or several and ponder my mental health. Often, I'm not that impressed. If you need an example, let me tell you about last night.

I made homemade potato soup and we ate it for dinner and it was delicious. The three of us watched "Kung Fu Panda" and laughed. A nice evening. Between 8:30 and 9:00 John and Noah went to bed, leaving me to watch my DVRed "Dancing with the Stars." They refuse to be in the same room when it's on.

So there I was, me, alone with myself watching dancing. I was happy. But then the voices started.

"I wonder if I should have eaten that soup. Way too many carbs."

"I don't feel really well."

"Am I dying?"

"What if I have a horrible disease?"

"I don't want to leave John and Noah."

Variations continued until 11 p.m. at which point I woke up John, crying.

"Please pray for me. I don't want to die."

John can be a saint, as he was at that moment. He woke up and said in that husband voice of his, "Ooooookay."

He prayed and made me laugh, bringing a little reality back into my world. And then he went back to sleep. Within seconds.

I woke up this morning and I was alive.

No voices today. At least not yet.


Carazy Mom said...

My answer to your first list of questions was, "yep, I have a pulse... I'm crazy!" But, really, I have struggled with those voices - the anxiety inducing voices that cause panic attacks and it is no picnic! So I applaud your willingness and ability to go to your husband and have him pray for you! Such a gift! Keep on fighting the good fight, sister! Blessings

Marla said...

LOVE that photo!!! Where in the world did you come up with THAT???

denise said...

I'm sure it was an inappropriate response, but I LOL at "Please pray for me. I don't want to die." Although I know you were scared at that moment, the description of your descent into madness made me laugh. Thanks for making me smile, funny girl. :D

Robbie Iobst said...

Cara you carazy Mama you know! You get me. :0) We gotta get together next week. We gotta. And yes, you MUST come to my writing group. You'll love it!

Robbie Iobst said...

Marla, the picture is one that I took the other day after I got out of bed. :0) Actually I got it off of microsoft clip art. :0)

Robbie Iobst said...

Denise, at that moment I was truly frightened and depressed, but you're right, it was sooooooo silly. :0)