Thursday, May 13, 2010
(This is Noah with a whole lotta gold in Breckenridge.)
"While we try to teach our children all about life, our children teach us what life is all about." Angela Schwindt
At church last Sunday the pastor recognized all the moms and had them stand up. I stood proudly, grateful that God allowed me to have a son. Next, the pastor asked that the parents of any upcoming graduate stand so the congregation could applaud the accomplishment. He then said he was talking about any graduation - college, high school and elementary school.
What? It occured to me that I am a mother of a soon-to-be elementary school graduate so I stood up. That's when it happened. It was as if someone across the sanctuary took a sling shot and aimed a giant rock at my heart. Upon impact, my breath left me. I sat down quickly.
Church went on but I stayed put, treading water in the realization that Noah, my eleven-year-old, is growing up. My head knows this daily. But at that moment, my heart felt it with a force that took me from breathless to breathing hard in a matter of seconds.
In less than a month, we will attend Noah's "Continuation" night at his school. Not a graduation or promotion. A "Continuation" of learning and taking the next step into Junior High. But already? It's time? So soon? Elementary school has been a wonderful time for my son. Not without bumps and painful swelling of his heart. But overall, excellent.
I talk to Moms about letting go of control of their children to allow God to do His thing. But I want to control time so badly. I want to have a do-over of his first eleven years of life so I can both do it better and relive some of those incredible moments of extreme joy with my son.
But alas, no. I have to conduct my own "Continuation" and give myself the grace to enjoy the right now, the present days of watching God mold my son.
Yesterday, Noah was watching "America's Funniest Videos" while I was on the computer. We were both sitting on the couch. I glanced over at Noah and noticed that he was purposefully looking away from the TV. I quickly deduced that the show was showing a montage of painful falls by people stripping. As his father has taught him, he was protecting his heart by averting his eyes.
I grabbed the remote and muted the TV. "Noah, by looking away from that do you know what you are showing me?"
"That I'm responsible?"
"I know Mom. I'm amazing, aren't I?" He said this with a twinkle.
"Not humble, but definitely amazing." I replied.
All I can do is stay grateful for each moment with my son. I must let go of my need to control. And why not? My life is a "Continutation" of amazing. :0)