I would think it'd be difficult to diagnose yourself. So I don't. And ergo, I have not made an appointment with anyone who might dare use those words with me.
I don't have an official mental disease and those that do have my empathy. Seriously.
But there are days that I take a minute or several and ponder my mental health. Often, I'm not that impressed. If you need an example, let me tell you about last night.
I made homemade potato soup and we ate it for dinner and it was delicious. The three of us watched "Kung Fu Panda" and laughed. A nice evening. Between 8:30 and 9:00 John and Noah went to bed, leaving me to watch my DVRed "Dancing with the Stars." They refuse to be in the same room when it's on.
So there I was, me, alone with myself watching dancing. I was happy. But then the voices started.
"I wonder if I should have eaten that soup. Way too many carbs."
"I don't feel really well."
"Am I dying?"
"What if I have a horrible disease?"
"I don't want to leave John and Noah."
Variations continued until 11 p.m. at which point I woke up John, crying.
"Please pray for me. I don't want to die."
John can be a saint, as he was at that moment. He woke up and said in that husband voice of his, "Ooooookay."
He prayed and made me laugh, bringing a little reality back into my world. And then he went back to sleep. Within seconds.
I woke up this morning and I was alive.
No voices today. At least not yet.
6 comments:
My answer to your first list of questions was, "yep, I have a pulse... I'm crazy!" But, really, I have struggled with those voices - the anxiety inducing voices that cause panic attacks and it is no picnic! So I applaud your willingness and ability to go to your husband and have him pray for you! Such a gift! Keep on fighting the good fight, sister! Blessings
LOVE that photo!!! Where in the world did you come up with THAT???
marla
I'm sure it was an inappropriate response, but I LOL at "Please pray for me. I don't want to die." Although I know you were scared at that moment, the description of your descent into madness made me laugh. Thanks for making me smile, funny girl. :D
www.RedHotRead.com
Cara you carazy Mama you know! You get me. :0) We gotta get together next week. We gotta. And yes, you MUST come to my writing group. You'll love it!
Marla, the picture is one that I took the other day after I got out of bed. :0) Actually I got it off of microsoft clip art. :0)
Denise, at that moment I was truly frightened and depressed, but you're right, it was sooooooo silly. :0)
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