Just a little more...contentment?

A couple of months ago, a little boy came over to play with Noah. Nice kid, nice family. The two new friends had a good time in our condo.

As the little boy left to go back to his house, he said to Noah, “You gotta come over to our house and play. The trampoline in our backyard is as big as your whole house.”

Noah responded, “Mom, can I go over right now?”

He didn’t know to be insulted. Good for him. I, on the other hand, immediately bought some apps and had a pity party.

My home is not a huge place to live. It is, however, a nice, comfy home with lots of love. But the Enemy loves to sneak up on me and whisper thoughts of discontentment. It happens often.

When we lived in California, we lived in a series of small rented homes or apartments. Every month we would have dinner with two other couples who owned huge homes. Our standard self-defacing joke became, “We rent, but we’re good people.”

So when we moved to Denver and were able to buy our own condo, I felt so grateful. I own walls! That door is mine! This closet belongs to me. It was quite a feeling of joy. Victory, even.

So now, here I am, fighting the contentment war. Again. Why can’t I just be content with what I have? Why do I have that little cringing feeling when I go to a friend’s house who has a living room AND a den. When I visit a fellow writer who happens to have an actual office for a writing space, I have that moment where I must immediately choose my reaction. Do I choose honest joy for her and gratitude for what I DO have? Or do I open the little door that releases the floodgate of resentment, first with drops of jealousy and then a deluge of discontentment?

Yesterday I received absolutely wonderful news. A wonderful literary agency offered me to represent me. Talk about excited. You’d think that kind of joy in my life would give me such a thankful heart that nothing could diminish the thrill of today.

And yet…this morning Noah and I were invited to go to a fellow writer’s house. Her home is absolutely gorgeous. I was fine with that. But before we visited them, we made a plan for her son to come back with us after a couple of hours to our home to play with Noah. Uh-oh. Once again, I had that moment of decision. God is so gracious and kind and helped me to choose gratitude. I looked around at our condo and I thanked Him for our big bathtub, (I lived with just a shower for years) the washer and dryer, (we used to budget a roll of quarters for laundry every week) and our living room with the amazing windows (I love the light we get.)

Because of God’s strength, I was able to make a choice to take pleasure in her house and enjoy my home and the chance to offer hospitality to her family.

Contentment is a choice. One that reaps a peaceful heart and a grateful spirit. I wish this came naturally for me. It doesn’t.

When Noah and her son were talking about swimming at our condo’s pool, Noah told him, “Well we don’t have a pool in our backyard. We live in apartments.”

My first reaction?

Noah, it’s a condo, not an apartment!

Lord, help me.

What are you prepared to do?

I talked to my sister Karen recently about our goals and she quoted a line from “The Untouchables.” In her best (which I’m sorry, sis, is not great) Sean Connery accent she told me, “Robbie, what are you prepared to do?”

(This is what Sean Connery as a beat cop, asked Kevin Costner as Elliot Ness.)

I keep thinking of that line. What am I prepared to do? God has given me a dream, a vision of my life and what I can be. But He has made it clear that the dream will not be handed to me on a platter. I am not going to win any lottery. I am not going to be a best selling author overnight. I will not wake up tomorrow miraculously in shape and thinner. So therefore, what am I prepared to do? Do, as in actions. Not dreaming or making lists or talking about how great it will be. But doing!

Last week, I visited the Shrine of Democracy. This is the nickname for Mount Rushmore. Quite a thrill to gaze up and see the faces of George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln keeping watch over the country. I can be cynical when it comes to patriotism, but standing below these forefathers of our country my cynicism vanished. Go USA!

We rented the audio tour and passed it around as we walked the half mile President’s walk, a little hike that gives different views of Mount Rushmore as well as provides little stops where you can listen to the audio commentary and learn all sorts of facts.

For example:

• Borglum, the man who sculpted the model and took charge of the project, chose the place and the four presidents.

• It took 400 men and 12 years to complete.

• Theodore Roosevelt was the most controversial choice, but Borglum insisted that Roosevelt, his friend, deserved the honor for his development efforts with the Panama Canal and his major work in conservation.

• The Black Hills, though granite, are seen as black because of the black trees gracing their slopes, not because of the rock.

What stood out to me the most were 1) the process and 2) the reasons behind the choices for the four presidents.

The process consisted of the following:

• Borglum’s vision and sculpting a model

• A brilliant mind doing the math

• A “pointer” going on the mountain and marking it using the math

• Many men drilling holes using the marks

• Many men putting dynamite in holes and blasting away

• More men using jack hammers and chisels to carve the likenesses

• Finally, men polishing it all up

Wow.

What were they prepared to do? Every time any man went up on the mountain, they trusted their life to 1920s cables and other men. They risked their lives to carve faces into a mountain.

They were prepared to do the work, the difficult time-consuming work for the sake of Borglum’s vision.

No instant gratification. No short term results. Just hard work based on vision.

The four presidents were chosen based on four principles each man represented in building our country.

George Washington – The Birth of our nation

Thomas Jefferson – The Growth of our nation

Theodore Roosevelt – The Conservation of our nation

Abraham Lincoln – The Preservation of our nation

What were they prepared to do? WHATEVER IT TOOK.

God can use anything to teach us and propel us to become more of what He wants us to be. He used Mount Rushmore and my sister to give me perspective and a much needed kick in the pants.

See, He has given me a vision of my own mountain. My life, my dream. An art work that He, the ultimate artist/sculptor has already fashioned for me. The model for my dream is finished. But it is up to me to do the work for His vision to become reality in my life. I must do the math and drill and explode for Christ. It is up to me to work through the birth of ideas, the growth of my writing, the conservation of my talent and the preservation of my faith.

What am I prepared to do? Am I prepared to have no instant gratification? To risk my security? To work long hard hours with no short term results?

I hope I am. I want to be.

Hebrews 12:1 says, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

Perseverance. Am I prepared to persevere?

What about you? What is the vision God has given you? What are you prepared to do?

Hmmm.

The Fireworks of an Independent Husband

Shimmering blue and flaming red fireflies splashed across the black expanse. Gold dust flickered everywhere. Long strands of silver diamonds danced in rows as if they were forming a glowing conga line. Spectacular explosions lit up the sky.

Friday night I went to the Rockies Fourth of July baseball game. My nephew and his wife are visiting from Albuquerque so it was a family night with the three Iobsts, my brother and his family and our visitors from New Mexico. I am blessed by my extended family. We love hanging out and laughing and Friday was no exception.

The game provided a roller coaster ride for us. After the first inning, the Marlins were beating the Rockies 5 to 1. Didn’t look good. But in the bottom of the ninth inning, the Rockies pulled ahead and won the game 18-17. Talk about exciting.

And then, the sky exploded. From our seats, the fireworks were almost directly above
us - right there. I mean, right there. Very loud but incredibly spectacular.

As I sat and enjoyed the display, gratitude filled me. What a country! What a blessing it is for me to able to afford to go to a Rockies game, eat a hot dog and see flaming beauty in performance.

Thank you, God.

But as I watched, I also started to feel my heart swell with love. Have you ever felt your heart swell? It feels like you breathed in too much air and you have to blow it out before you explode. A couple of times I fought back tears as I exhaled. Love for my husband came out in its own little fireworks display in my heart. Let me explain.

Earlier in the day, I wished John a happy Fourth of July.

His response: “Some 232 years ago a group of wild-eyed rebels decided to declare war on the most powerful nation on earth. They felt they were overtaxed and underrepresented. I just love this country.”

His comment, coupled with the essence of the man he is, moved me as I watched the fireworks.

See, John Iobst is changing before my eyes. It’s not a physical change and he hasn’t metamorphosed into someone I don’t know. And I don’t think he is going through a midlife crisis. It’s just that he, like the fireworks and those wild-eyed men, has exploded. He has had enough. The title of a book he read a while back sums it up: No More Mr. Christian Nice Guy.

When I married my man, he was wonderful and funny and loving. Still is. But when I married him, he was also passive and one who avoided confrontation. Not anymore. John is on this journey in which he is basically saying enough is enough. I will not be overtaxed and underrepresented anymore.

I have watched him tell others his opinion in no uncertain terms a few times the past year. It is wonderful and a bit, well, scary. I like it, don’t get me wrong, but change is never easy. And God has changed him. God’s love has seeped into my man’s soul. The result? A security and strong sense of self that has lit up my sky with some dazzling colors. Watching him go from a man who ignored or buried conflict to a man who stands up to it and gives a direct and sometimes unpopular opinion is an explosion of personality. I like it.

This wild-eyed rebel is also declaring his independence from fear and conformity by embracing a love that he left back a while ago: motorcycles. John has loved these two-wheeled rockets since he was very young. 30 years ago, he took a trip across the United States on one and created a lifetime of memories.

But time and circumstances and the defeat of dreams all worked together to take away his motorcycle hobby. A year or so ago, with security rising and his eyes getting wilder by the day, he said to me, “I would like to start riding again.” The revolution was beginning.

This Thursday, John, my brother Phil and two other men will go on a ten day motorcycle trip. The four wild-eyed men have declared their independence from fear and a society that yells “Be Safe,” at every turn.

I support John and I am excited for his adventure. I will not utter “Be careful,” as he rides off. Those men some 232 years ago didn’t need anyone telling them to be careful. They were at war. Risk was required. Can you imagine the minute men creeping through forests with their loaded muskets reminding themselves to be careful? No. Their directive was courage.

John is at war, too, in a way. The Enemy of his soul wants him to be a nice man who avoids danger and makes sure that everyone around him is pleased with his behavior. As his wife, to tell you the truth, I wouldn’t mind a nice man who avoids danger and makes sure that society is pleased with him. But deep down, I know that is not who God made my husband to be.

So I sit back and enjoy the fireworks in my husband’s life. Last night, the fireflies and gold dust and silver strands of diamonds were met with oohs and aahs. I looked up, my heart swelling, and I whispered, “Go God.”

Why I am not Feeling the Blog Thing ...Part 1

It is difficult to put energy into blogging while I am working on my book.

Garrison Keillor said, "It's like a major illness having a book in the works...You try to keep a life going, raise a child, try to be a spouse, have friendships. People aske you, 'How is the book coming?' You say, 'It's coming great.' What else are you going to say?"

I was talking to fellow writer Loretta who is working on this fabulous historical novel (I've read excerpts) and she completely agreed.

In fact, for Part 2 of this thought, visit Loretta's blog at www.lorettaoakes.blogspot.com or click on Complimentary Thoughts on my blog roll on right.

Of course, Loretta will post when she gets time and energy to do this, which may not be right now which completely makes my point!

Review of William Young's The Shack

I finished reading William Young’s The Shack on Sunday. Wow. Very good book, but not for the reasons I usually call a book good.

First of all, it is not an easy read but it is not a literary work of genius either. It is a story filled with insights about God. Some of these thoughts are absolutely wonderful and fresh, but are at times difficult to ingest. Maybe it’s the size of my brain or my theological background, but I just didn’t get it all. Kind of the way I still don’t totally understand C.S. Lewis. It is not a great literary work because of the lack of action. Most of the book is dialogue. But it is a good book because of the fresh insights.

Second, it is a good book because it takes that little box we all put God into and fills up the box with dynamite and explodes it. I love this. I find myself trying to “get” God and “define” God all the time. I think it is only natural. Like when I see Jesus in my mind, the picture somewhat resembles this guy who is in the Matthew DVDs we bought a while back. William Young paints a picture of God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit that will blow away any portrait image you may have of the Trinity.

Third, it is thought provoking. I found myself asking questions about the way I see life and the mysteries of life after reading certain chapters. Any book that gets you to do that is good.

However, I do have two cautions about the book.

First, it deals with a tragedy concerning a child. Hard to read. Period.

Second, this is a book. A work of fiction with a lot of truth in it. But still a book. What I mean is that it is not the Bible, although Young and his editors paint a beautiful picture of The Great I Am. But it is not the definitive picture. God is even bigger and more mysterious and far reaching and weird and indefinable than what this book portrays.

So, in summary, good book, well worth reading. A book that God can use in your life to stretch your outlook and explode any box you may be keeping Him inside. But it is still a book, and therefore, not the ultimate last word on God. I don’t think Young was aiming at that anyway. I believe He wanted to use the book to propel readers on to a relationship with God that has no limits. But because we, as readers, often use images from books to create truths in our minds, a danger exists that we will read The Shack and use its images to define God. Thus, exchanging our little box of what God is for another box.

I hope you pick it up and I would love to hear what you thought. Happy Reading!

Part 2 - Tending the Garden of Marriage

(Continued from yesterday - Gardening Tips 7-1)


7) Learn his/her love language.
Gary Chapman wrote a book called The Five Love Languages that is a super read. John receives love most easily through the language of service. If I do the dishes or bring him lemonade as soon as he gets home, he feels loved. I receive love most easily through words of encouragement. John knows this and exhorts me often. He is a man of few words and I am not a servant, but we make the effort because without this kind of labor, our garden would die.

6) Give each other time to be alone.
We each need time without the other to do our own thing, besides work, and to let the Lord restore us. John enjoys riding for hours in the mountains. I love going somewhere and writing. We both take time to get away and be alone with God. This is vital to our spiritual health and the health of the garden.

5) Laugh. Laugh. Laugh.
I cannot emphasize this enough. John and I love to laugh and we do it a lot. Some of our best times of laughter come watching TV and commenting on everything or when we have dinner and talk about our day.

4) Don’t ever use the word divorce..ever.
It is not an option. Murder, you betcha. Divorce, no.

3) Talk about the hard stuff.
This is our most difficult lesson because neither John nor I do conflict well. We both get silent or leave the room if something has hurt us or made us angry. But we have learned that we MUST talk about it. We don’t have to resolve it immediately, but we must acknowledge the presence of a problem. In doing this, we are telling each other we love each other enough to walk through the pain that is INEVITABLE in every marriage. This part of marriage is like spreading the fertilizer over the plants in the garden. It looks and feels like manure, but it makes everything grow.

2) Never underestimate the healing power…
We laugh about this, but if I have a cold, a deadly disease or a hangnail, John will inevitably say to me, “Robbie, Never underestimate the healing power of…” Well, you know. It is TRUE! The intimacy of marriage must be tended to with the same care as a master gardener uses to tend his roses.

1)PRAY TOGETHER!
John and I began praying each night together after Noah was born and we haven’t stopped. In our darkest days when our garden was dying the power of prayer, that spiritual force that goes beyond our human endeavors, ultimately saved our marriage. It is a proven fact that couples who pray together consistently have a better chance of making it than couples who don’t. It keeps the garden blooming, colorful and vibrant, because it is inviting God, the best gardener ever, to take charge of our marriage.

And lastly, I will add that the best gift to give your kids is to love each other. Noah knows that John and I love each other and will always put each other first. This may sound harsh, poor little Noah :0), but in reality, we are giving Noah a secure foundation. I often say to him, “Noah, I hope you take care of your wife like your dad takes care of me.” And John tells him, “Noah, you’ll be blessed to marry someone like your mom.”

The garden is beautiful at the Iobst home. Not without weeds, but the flowers are tangerine orange and bright pink and yellow, the color of sunshine.

Takes work, but oh,is it worth it.

Part 1 - Tending the Garden of Marriage

Keeping a marriage strong is like tending a flower garden. Nourishment and daily attention is vital. Weeds creep in no matter the spiritual pesticides you use. If they are left to grow, they choke the joy and security out of the union. Those weeds must be dug up from the roots, or the same issues will keep popping up, taking away from the beauty and the usefulness of the garden.

I am blessed beyond measure in my garden because of two factors.

First, I am the offspring of some great gardeners. Walker and Sally Ann Floyd knew how to tend their marriage and keep it strong. What a blessing to observe them truly enjoy each other.

Once I asked my Dad what I should look for in a mate. He said, “Rob, find somebody you jive with. Period.”

He “jived” with Mom. They liked each other and enjoyed hanging out. Their garden flourished because they were first and foremost, friends.

The most important lesson my folks taught me about marriage is that it takes commitment. Not gushy love or twitter-pation or even attraction, although all three of these bring blooming flowers to the garden that add color and joy. But without commitment, gardens die.

Mom told me often, “Marriage is the hardest job you will ever love.”

The second reason I am blessed in my garden is my co-gardener, John.

We just celebrated 12 years. I can honestly say that I love this man much, much more than that Saturday in June of 1996. When we met, we were both completely different people than we are now. The change in our souls and our outlooks occurred because our garden started dying. God gave us overalls, little shovels and new seeds. Through a lot of hard work, our garden began blooming again.

John did most of the work. He has become a master gardener.

So I thought that today I would share the top 10 gardening tips the Lord has given us.

10) Affection is important.
Reach out to hold each other’s hand. John often sweeps me into his arms and we dance across the kitchen floor. He kissed my cheek last night in the middle of dinner at a restaurant. The flowers bloom with affection!

9) If it is important to him/her, it is important to me.
I have LEARNED to listen and ASK QUESTIONS about motorcycling. John has learned the same with my writing. We do this, not because I love motorcycles and John loves writing, (are you kidding?) but because we like each other and we know part of nourishing our marriage is to nourish each other’s interests.

8) Viva la difference!
My Dad used to say this and it completely fits tending the garden of a marriage. John is not like me emotionally and I caused us a boatload of problems during the first part of our marriage when I expected him to have the same emotions as I did. I would say, “Aren’t you excited?” He would say in a complete monotone with no facial expressions, “Yes.” It would drive me crazy and it didn’t make him happy either. When I began to accept our differences, the freedom to be myself and let him be himself was like nutrient rich water that refreshed our garden in the hot sunshine.

(Part 2 tomorrow, Friday)